The Week In Quotes

(not how Officer Rainbow earned his name)

The last two days of the rotation were spent with a suburban EMS department. They all assure me it was not normally this slow, but we got two calls in two days, one of them being the sugar bomb mentioned in the last post. So needless to say, we spent a lot of time sitting around the fire house. But everyone else was slow as well, so crews all over the surrounding townships gather at this one firehouse when things are slow and just shoot the breeze. There were loads of stories being swapped, more than I could possible remember. Frat house humor was in full effect, and the women were representing themselves just as well as the men at dishing out the rips.

Medic to police officer walking into the house: “Hey it’s officer rainbow!”

Police: “Officer rainbow, what are you talking about?”

Medic: “The way you respond to calls, you know, you like to show up after the storm”

Medic 1: “Yeah, I don’t want kids. They are sticky, smelly, they cry, they want to be held-”

Medic 2: “What do you mean? That sounds just like your typical friday night”

Medic 1: “You know that f*#cker is at home, pureeing his twinkies, so he can get them past his lap band”

My favorite story of the two days was this. For whatever reason, there is a black, 8 inch, suction cup dildo in the firehouse. “It’s not gay when it’s within the walls of the station” as it was explained to me.  It’s a favorite prank and firehouse tradition, to suction cup the penis to the side of firetrucks housed in the other stations. If the truck leaves the station with the dildo firmly attached, the new station now possess it and must keep it in their station until they can return the prank on another house.