That’s what she said.

I was cleaning out my work bag tonight, getting ready for my first ER shift as an R2 in the morning, and I found a few scraps of paper where I had written down some patient quotes and stories. Of the ones that are still legible after my water bottle exploded in the bag…

Male patient: “I may have 18 kids, but I’m very selective as to whom I sleep with.”

Me: Is there any chance you are pregnant?

Female patient: Nah

Me: Are you sexually active

Female patient: Hell yeah

Me: Do you use any sort of birth control?

Female patient: Nah. Look, I know I’m not pregnant

Me: What makes you know that?

Female patient I’m not pregnant cause I don’t want to be. That’s all I need.

Me: Hmmmm, that’s not exactly how that works….